HAPPINESS

Spicy jerk chicken and LB. 

A beautiful, caring connection.

Feeling secure and at peace.

Family troubles.

Trying hard to make deeper friendships. 

 

CONVERSATIONS ABOUT JEALOUSY

About guilt and desire. 

OF ALL THE THINGS

Of all the things I have going on in my head:

 

1) I'm pretty sure I have ADHD

2) My sister and I had an interesting chat about it last night. At the very least, my father has ADHD. 

3) Reflecting on my past through this lens makes me very emotional.

4) When we've mentioned it to my mum, her reaction is to say that neither Kim nor I were "unruly" or "undisciplined" as young children and both managed school well. However, when you look into the symptoms of the hyperactivity aspect of ADHD, it's far more nuanced than the idea of being disruptive or overly energetic. 

5) "Act out of turn and don’t think about consequences of actions" - Sorry.

5b) Of course there's a wave of social media frenzy related to the topic with the potential of self-misdiagnosis. However, this shouldn't negate one's genuine self-reflection and personal inquiry into the matter.

6) Different topic: Knowing someone and reading someone but you can't engage. 

7) Missing someone but you can't engage. 

8) To me, many relationship conventions are absolutely absurd. 

9) I've been working as a set designer on a number of music video shoots with a fun team. I'm optimistic about this and feel excited about the energy I'm putting towards being a set designer-for-real. I have such a long way to go but I'm pushing and feel like I have my dreams back. 

 

SMELLY LILIES

I have since moved countries, again. Started a new job at an opera house in the British countryside. My long-term long-distance partner and I broke up. I've fallen in love with someone new. Life is mostly  uncomplicated. I am mostly bored at work, and spend too much time on my phone. I've started bouldering and am back into beading. I have a little, tiny ground-floor apartment all to myself. My boss is a micromanager. My family aren't doing too well. I have five rare genetic tumors, one of which will be removed by surgery later in the year. I'm nervous for this but it should be okay.

I've joined a knitting group with the hopes of making new friends. It's really challenging moving and needing to make new friends all over again. I'm not even that interested in knitting. It takes really long finding someone that you very genuinely connect with, and friends who've known you for a long time are just different.

p.s. I'm @scribbled_egg on Instagram. I have barely any followers. It would be nice if I got some.

RIDE OR DIE

2021. What a wild ride this year has been. I've been back in South Africa for over a year. 

I return to my blogspot at least once a month - not to post (I am posting more frequently on my instagram nowadays), but to reminisce. There's a strange privacy to this page that I really love. Few people cross paths with my blogspot. 

SPAGHETTI BRAIN

 

THIS IS THE REAL ONE FROM TODAY